Some Unglamorous Truths About Birth

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When you’re pregnant and watching ten episodes of One Born Every Minute, there is nothing that can possibly push the boundaries of gross if it’s going to help prepare you better. You kind of want to know the things that no one is willing to tell you, the nitty-gritty bits that will kind of make you squirm a bit but will make the things you least expected a whole lot easier should they strike. Basically, we’re sorry to be the bearer of this sort of undesirable news, but you might thanks us later.

1. Noticing Your Waters Break

If you’re only labor experience has been through the medium of Hollywood-romcom-movies, then you’re probably expecting something that resembles a water balloon exploding on the floor. That’s not what will happen. It will feel more like you’re peeing yourself and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

2. Contractions Really Suck

Most mums-to-be think it’s the whole pushing a human being out of your body that’s will be the worst part. But that’s not always the case. For most labor-battling mums, it’s the contractions that really suck. They might start out as, “oh, is this it, really? This is no worse than menstrual cramps.” But, trust us, they are going to become pains straight from hell. But they are the worst part, so if you can get through them, you can get through the birth bit easy-peasy.

3. Epidurals Are Amazing

More and more mums think they need to “get the whole experience of mommahood” by doing it naturally and feeling everything and that they will be shamed if they don’t. Well, you can forget that thought process for a moment. Don’t be scared of that fireman’s hosepipe length needle that gets stuck into your lower back because that doesn’t hurt at all. It just coaxes out a feeling of nothingness to your entire thoracic area. Sweet, sweet, pain-free, nothingness.

4. Do Some Reading

The best way to avoid any kind of Birth injury is to do your research and find out what you can be doing better. It could be the different birthing positions (yeah, there are loads), the different breathing exercises, trying your hand a relax hypnosis, whether you want a water birth or not, or just giving your partner a list of things he should absolutely never say to you in that hospital room. The more prepared and clued up you are, the better.

5. Number Two’s Are Common

This is the part of the process that no woman wants to hear but, yup, you are going to feel like you need a number two. It’s gross, but it is totally normal. That’s because you have a “little” human pressing against your entire nether region (including your bottom) in a bit to get out into the world. The point is: you won’t be the first or last mom to poop themselves on the birthing table. It happens almost every time, so just relish your chance to let go without any judgment being attached because this chance might not come around again.

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Wifey. Blogger. Mommy. Subscription Box Hoarder. Shopper. Cleaner. Organizer. Doggy-Lover. Cook.

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